WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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