Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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