Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
