Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
