So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
