I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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