i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
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Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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