Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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