so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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