If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
