Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
