ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
