I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
