my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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