My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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