True but thats because hes a fetus.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
