If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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