that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
