I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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