I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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