okay pat passed out under dana's car
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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