and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
