I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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