I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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