Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
