I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
