my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My ass is underappreciated
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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