The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm always down for nudity.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
