I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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