Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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