dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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