i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
