is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
