I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
