The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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