OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
