thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
