Are we in a gay sports bar?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
