***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
