just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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