u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
