the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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