Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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