I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
