How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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