And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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