i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
