No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
