We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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