A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
