Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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