College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
