He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
