upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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