I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
