I CAN MOONWALK!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
