so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
