Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Randomize
