All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
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Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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