I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
