Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
false alarm, still single
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